Thursday, November 24, 2011

The 21 and Over Holiday Sanity Survival Guide

Feeling overwhelmed with the pressure cooker of all the holiday fun resting on your shoulders, threatening to pop your brain cells one by one…?  Chill out. It’s only Thanksgiving. The real fun hasn’t even begun, after all, the holiday's are not just about this day or that. They are a collection of gatherings, shopping, house cleaning, cooking, family, friends, panicking and…

I’m not helping?

Well maybe this will…

In the spirit of fun, I thought I would share some useful secrets on how I breeze through the holidays unscathed and even manage to enjoy myself.

Scenario #1. Your husband has invited co-workers over for some holiday cheer. Translation: there’s going to be a house full of loud men yelling at a TV because some other loud man is rooting for the other team and they stand to lose [Lose: a four letter word capable of destroying a man’s ego in two seconds flat. Warning: man does not recover well from loss and may sulk or pout for days following].

Solution #1.  Hot Totty. Offer to fix the fragile men something to eat and take a moment alone to regain your focus of all that is truly important…

Servings: 1
Coat the bottom of your favorite mug with honey.
Add brandy and lemon juice.
On the side, boil water add tea bag,
Pour the tea into honey/lemon/brandy goodness.
And viola ~ stress…gone. Repeat as needed.

Scenario #2. The families are coming. His. Yours. The whole damn lot, together under one roof, yours.  Do I really need to explain the neurosis that comes with this one? I didn’t think so.

Solution #2. Christmas Wassail. This is a warm fruity drink that makes your whole house smell delicious and the alcohol burns off (mostly, so be sure to add a shot to your mug). Great to offer particularly difficult family members (like the kids or grandma).  

2 qt. cider
1 pt. cranberry juice
3/4 c. sugar
2 sticks cinnamon
1 tsp. whole allspice
1 orange
Whole cloves
1 c. rum [The rest of the bottle is for you] (Sailor Jerry’s Spiced Rum is best)
Side note:  I make mine with pineapple added to the mixture, it should equal 1/3 of other juices combined, but I'll let you do math - you know me. 

Stud orange with whole cloves. Put all ingredients into crock pot. Cover and cook on high for 1 hour and then on low for 4-8 hours. Serve warm from crock pot. Makes 12 cups.

 Scenario #3. Shopping (self explanatory). 
Solution #3. Homemade Irish Cream Liqueur [Irish Coffee] This one is a little trickier, but don’t worry I’ve got you covered. You’ll need a designated driver. If your husband is the only one available, plan to distract him once in the store with tools or electronics, works every time. Grab your snowflake covered to-go coffee mug and let’s get started.

1 3/4 c. your favorite liquor (Irish Whiskey, brandy, rum, bourbon, scotch,
or rye whiskey)
1 (14 oz.) can Eagle brand sweetened condensed milk (NOT evaporated milk)
1 c. (1/2 pt.) whipping or light cream
4 eggs
2 tbsp. chocolate flavored syrup
2 tsp. instant coffee
1 tsp. vanilla extract
1/2 tsp. almond extract

In 6-cup blender, at low speed, combine all ingredients; blend until smooth. Serve over ice if desired. Store tightly covered in refrigerator up to one month. Stir before serving.
Note: Public intoxication is not legal, so I recommend sticking to the recipe on this one. 
Scenario #4. You’re hosting the Ugly Christmas Sweater Party (I’m not even going to ask why; we all do dumb things sometimes). 

Solution #4. Gluehwein (German Hot Wine Punch) This is where you're allowed to let loose! Hell, look at what you're wearing, how much worse can it get? Go ahead, drink, live a little!

Mix everything together in a large saucepan and heat until hot, but NOT boiling. Boiling it will ruin the Gluehwein, so be careful to not set your heat too high. You can pour this into a Crockpot on LOW heat and serve warm. []

And, there you have you it, my survival kit for just about any occasion that may arise during this holiday season.

Do you have a family recipe handed down from past generations that you would be willing to share with me? I’d love to hear how you de-stress during this chaotic – yet oh-so-wonderful – time of year.

Cheers if you’re crazy like me and heading out to Black Friday this evening. I hope you find everything on your list, safely. 

Note: This blog is only intended for fun and NOT to be taken seriously, unless you really want to…it’s your life.


  1. lol ugly sweater parties...and I wore a really good one once - HALLOWEEN christmas ugly sweaters

  2. Did you really, Sophia? That is awesome. I thought about dressing is up as Mrs. Clause for Halloween one year...that's not the same. LOL

    Thanks for stopping by.