Monday, June 29, 2015

Digging up The Dead: The Tale of The Manuscript That Wouldn’t Die

You know those old manuscripts you have lying around? The ones that you wrote when you first started writing and you didn’t really know what you were doing? The manuscripts you’re supposed to stash away in some imaginary drawer (because, let’s face it, nobody writes on paper anymore), and pull out years down the road, after you’ve found success and have oodles of books in all major bookstores?

Yeah, that’s the one.

Have you ever considered rewriting/editing/revising one? Or maybe you’ve already done it?
I have a question for you, “Did it work?”

The reason I ask, is because I am not “a success,” at least not yet. I am still a floundering author who’s just doing her time writing and writing and writing etc… etc… etc…

I work hard at it. I write daily. I read everything, including how-to books. I’m finishing my English degree in creative writing (12 more credits woo-hoo-hoo!) and I’m preparing to begin my Masters program next spring. And I have the most awesome writing group (Love to my SFWG sisters!!!), no seriously, they are the best. 

With all of that writing I’ve accumulated close to fifty stories, all of which have great potential to become books. They have strong premises, vivid settings, and solid plots, but none of them move my pulse the way one of my very first stories did (a series of four books). 

I tried and tried to rewrite this old tale and though I had requests from editors and agents, all returned with polite rejections or revise and resubmit notes, I still couldn’t get these stories where they needed to be. Instead I buried them. Every dear character I loved so much, I just shoved down to the depths of my “writing” folder and just kept on writing. I haven’t touched them or looked at them for more than a year. 

Since then, I’ve written three other full manuscripts, all in various stages of rewriting disaster, and a few dozen more short stories (many have novel potential), but through each new manuscript came the cries of my ghostly protagonist from her lonesome, word-doc grave. “Don’t leave me, Candie. I’ll haunt you forever if you do,” she moans. 

I kept telling her, “There’s no hope for you. I can’t save you. You’re dead, so die already!”

But she won’t listen. 

And then, one day not long ago, I happened on an amazing photographer, Chris of CJC Photography, on Facebook and we got to chatting. He suggested I take a look at his portfolio to see if any of his photos might be a good match for one of my works. 

Just look at how delicious his works are...


Well surprise, surprise and who do you think I saw staring back at me? That’s right, my dead and buried protagonist. Only she wasn’t dead, she was very much alive and glaring at me with her willful eyes. I was mesmerized, caught under her spell and I couldn’t turn away. And when I finally did, I found even more pictures, pictures of her with her heartthrob hottie, pictures of her in her native world, and pictures of her with the sister (whom I also love!) she's trying to save. Four perfect pictures for four very-not-perfect manuscripts. 

It was a battle I couldn’t win. My protagonist would not let me walk away. And in that short little time span of maybe an hour, chatting with Chris and going over price and rights etc… I walked away (wallet considerably lighter) the proud owner of four amazing cover photos and a new plan.

See, my original idea for this series was to seek traditional publishing, and that actually encumbered me and my storytelling abilities. Because I knew, thanks to many knowledgeable friends, that in order for my series to be marketable and to acquire agent representation that these books had to have certain qualities and they had to be in a definite “hot right now” sub-genre. 

But I can’t work like that. I’ve learned that about myself. I can’t write (okay, I can but I don’t like to) what everyone else is writing this minute. In fact, I try really hard to write new and fresh stories (impossible, I know) but somehow every time I’m working on something it suddenly becomes a popular topic (Does this happen to you? WTF?). The only exception has been this one series. It has never been a mainstream subject (I’m pretty sure, at least not in my lifetime), and it’s had its claws in me for so long I have scars. 

How could I walk away?

As I’m sure you’ve guessed by now (from all of this rambling, maybe?), I have decided to dig it up and revive my old dusty four-part story and… wait for it… self-publish it. 


I know some of you might say, “That’s a bad idea. Just move on and write something new.” 

I’ve tried that remember. I have plenty of manuscripts I could be revising, polishing and sending out with laborsome queries, but this story won’t die. 

And besides, my friends, family, critique partners (who suffered through many rounds of revision madness with me), and beta readers are all saying, “Do it! Publish it!” 

And so, without further ado, I’m going to revise, edit and clean it the heck up (and OH what a mess it is!). Then I’m going to publish my gloriously chaotic series my way, the way I’ve always seen the story, messy and gritty, lovely and untainted, all of it, as it should be.

I have to let my girl have her day in the sun. She deserves to shine, even if it’s only for me. 

“So rise, my obnoxiously-loud dead protagonist, wake from your slumber and go be the awesome badass I always meant you to be!”

Now, you'll have to wait for my cover reveal to see my amazing photos, and I'll let you know when I get close to publishing what my title and release date are, but until then...

Have you self published? I’d love to hear from you, please talk to me! Tell me it’s all going to be okay. 

Or if you’re like me and have a story that wouldn’t die, I’d also love to know your experience, did it work? Are you still working on it? Or are you in corner talking to imaginary unicorns?

Ah! Either way, even if I go mad, I’m publishing this blasted thing. But it would sure be nice to have some company along the way. 

Find me on Twitter and Facebook – let’s talk!

Wednesday, May 13, 2015

The Writer’s Maze: Hoedown with Words

I’ve always considered writing a dance between raw imagination and gained knowledge, but recently I’ve decided it’s a very specific type of dance. A hoedown.

Wait. Wait. Don’t go! This isn’t a sleazy post about women with loose morals or about rednecks partying down south. Here, listen to the most famous hoedown (so you’ll feel more comfortable with the subject) by Aaron Copland, it’s been completely commercialized.

Aaron Copland – Hoedown - Posted on YouTube by solutioncow

Now, you get it. You see where I’m going with this, right?
Writing is a journey (hence my URL) which takes the writer (unwillingly kicking and screaming sometimes) on the insane roundabout, duple time dance. The crazy, furious highs where the words flow so fast your fingers can hardly keep up…

…only to drop us off a cliffhanger and leave us dangling for hours, days, years (!) sometimes, just praying for the inspiration to return and spin us around the next corner.
 It’s maddening.
One moment we’re on this high, praising ourselves for our creative genius.

And the next we’re sniveling into our trough-sized wine glasses, convinced we’re phony, no-good writer hacks who will never again write anything worth reading.

Oh, but wait! Here comes the brilliance again, grabbing us by the hand and swinging our fingers around the keyboard in a firestorm of dosey-doe.  

Bugs Bunny's Square Dance 'Hillbilly Hare' - Posted on YouTube by Mickey Mouse

And round and round the rollercoaster takes us from high to low, again and again. But here’s the question, which is the truth? Are we a creative genius or a big fat phony? 

The answer is neither. As a writer YOU ARE, I’m sorry to say, like every one of us with our moments of incredible greatness and other times of brain-fart nothingness.
So, where do we go from here? How do we persevere during those dry spells when we can’t make even one word sound right in a simple sentence?
We write anyway.

That’s it. That’s the answer. Just write. It doesn’t matter that the words are prettier sometimes more than others. It doesn’t matter that on a good day we can write thousands of words and on others we can barely squeak out a couple hundred. The thing that makes us writers, is that it’s what we do…we write.
Let’s take at look at some people who’ve had moments in their lives, or careers, of truly amazing success.

“Today the word "Einstein" is synonymous with genius, but young Albert didn't speak fluently until he was nine-years-old, causing teachers to think he was slow. He was expelled from school for his rebellious nature and was refused admittance to the Zurich Polytechnic School. He went on to revolutionize science's understanding of the world, taking physics beyond its Newtonian view by developing the theory of General Relativity. He won the Nobel Prize, with his research leading the U.S. to build an atomic bomb, and influenced all aspects of culture, from religion, to art, to late-night television.” ~ CBS News
There’s a whole list of people who might have ended up as nobodies if they would’ve surrendered to the hoedown: Riches to Rags
Once in a while there’s an author who hits it big with a book or two, maybe an entire successful series, only to follow it up with a flop, or maybe they never publish anything ever again. If this is you, don’t settle. Get back to it, remember the magic and make those pages sing. Whoever you are, if writing is what you love, get at it!

Most likely (if you’re reading this blog) you’re just an average Joe, like me, trying to chase a dream and worrying that you’re never gonna make it.
So, here’s the secret. Ready for it?
Learn to dance. 

Don’t tell me you can’t dance, what do you think you’ve been doing thus far? You’ve written down those spurts of masterful prose and you’ve experienced those heart-suffocating moments when the words play hide-and-seek and THAT is what makes you writer. 

So what are you waiting for? This is it. THIS is what being a writer is all about, surviving the slow beats and hanging on to your britches when the tempo kicks in. Ya ready? Let’s do it.
It’s time for a hoedown, y’all!
Miley Cyrus - Hoedown Throwdown (Movie Scene) - DVD RIP - Posted by phanquanghieu on YouTube
And if you’re still not convinced you can do it. Here’s a little more Miley Cyrus to push you to the top.
Hannah Montana The Movie - The Climb - Posted by Disney IT on YouTube
 Now, get climbing! <3

Wednesday, April 22, 2015

THE WRITER’S MAZE: The Reason You’re Not Published

I’ve talked about writing a book for my entire life, as many people have, but underneath those empty words swam an oozing puddle of fear. Fear that I wasn’t good enough, fear that I wasn’t smart enough, or the right kind of person to write a book. I played with writing over the years, right up until the day I had my epiphany.

On that day I stood on the back porch, staring into the early morning sky, considering the dream I’d had the night before. It was a dream of characters I’d been imagining my entire life. I’d made up stories and plays about them, who they were and where they lived, what their lives were like. But on that night the story ended. 

I couldn’t stand to let it go, but I was so bewildered I didn’t know what else to do. And then, like a lightning bolt of clarity, it came to me. I asked myself, “Five years from now am I still going to want to write that book? In ten years will I still feel the same?”

The answer was an unquestionable, “YES!”

My mind raced in so many directions at once, I didn’t know which thing to think about first. “Was I going to do this? Was I really about to write an entire novel?”

“Yes I was, because I had to. My characters were dying and the only way to save them was to immortalize them on paper.”
But I had a problem. I didn’t know how to write a novel. I could write okay, I did write for a small newspaper. No one had booed me away yet. But a book…an actual book? I was way out of my league.
Then I thought of all the writers, real-life published authors, I knew and I called them. “How do I write a novel? What do I do first?” I asked.
Looking back I see fear in my hesitation. I wanted someone to guide me. I was so frightened I’d make a mistake.
AND, OH BOY DID I! Can I get an Amen?

I had not a clue. I’d taken a few creative writing classes in school, but this…this one-hundred thousand word (I know, right?) novel was something entirely new. It took me eight months to write the outline alone. And a year after that I hired a friend to edit my wonderful masterpiece, without even revising it first. I sent it on its way as soon as I typed THE END.
Looking back, I’m so glad I did (sorta). I was simultaneously terrified she’d say it absolutely sucked. Part of me wanted her to so I could return to my cowardly life where I didn’t have to put my hopes and dreams on display for other people to critique. But the other part of me wanted her to say there was hope. And that’s exactly what she did – bless her heart – I know that so-called manuscript was awful, but she looked at it with teacherly eyes and returned it to me covered in bloody ink stains. Entire pages slaughtered by the swipe of a red pen, as though they’d meant nothing.

But I wasn’t deterred. I thought I can do this; all I have to do is learn… so I went back to school.
Over the next few years (you can read all about it in my older posts), I educated myself on how to become a writer (still working on it!). But there was still this nagging fear that I wasn’t good enough, or I wasn’t the type of person who could be a writer. And then I tried using positive affirmations, “I’m confident I can and will become a successful writer. It’s only a matter of time.”
Back and forth, up and down, my doubts and confidences would struggle. Someone would give my writing a compliment and I’d think, okay, I’m on the right track. But sooner or later that fear, that ridiculous insecurity from childhood (read here and here) crept back.
Sure, I learned to move forward, to keep writing. I joined writer’s groups and attended conferences. I submitted my work for critique and even hired editors again, despite my fear of the red pen. Each time the feedback got a little better, more encouraging with advice for how to fix my authorly shortcomings. At the same time, my friends were getting signed by agents and selling multiple books to BIG publishing houses.

And here was little ol’ me, floundering around for a lifesaver, drowning in a sea of uncertainty. Oh sure, I had agents and editors interested in my work, and though they ultimately turned me down, they had really wonderful compliments and words of encouragement for me to keep writing. They said I was so close

Ugh! I felt like the rejected contestant on American Idol, “Thanks. You’re really sweet and I don’t want to hurt your feelings, but YOU SUCK!”
I pretended it didn’t hurt, after all “It’s only a matter of time before someone says YES.” Right?

That part was up to me, but I didn’t know it then and before I could figure it out life happened (read here) and my writing came to a dream-crushing halt.
“It’s over,” I told myself. Though, to everyone else I said I was just taking a break to focus on life, that I’d come back to it [my writing]. But honestly, I wasn’t so sure. I felt broken, defeated, and hopeless.

All of my friends were moving forward and I was not. I was standing still and they were (and still are) zooming by me on their way to success. And I’m so happy for them, truly.
But what I felt, at being left behind through no fault of my own, was overwhelming despair.
I tried to keep writing, when I could, but it wasn’t the same. My flame had been snuffed and no matter how much I tried to reignite it, it only gave a tiny flicker of my original dream. I needed a miracle.
Miracles are funny things. I used to think of them as being a momentous event, like Moses parting the Red Sea, but I’ve come to realize that miracles can take time. A miracle might be happening right now, because as I scribble this down I understand where I went wrong so clearly. 

Let me back up. A year ago next month I attended one of my favorite writer’s conferences, The Dallas Fort Worth Writer’s Conference, and I pitched a couple of projects I’d been working on despite neither of them being completely “polished.” I told the agents and editors, who seemed genuinely interested in my projects, that I was close (I do NOT recommend pitching before it’s absolutely ready!). 
I went home and got straight to work, but once I delved in an irrational fear consumed me. I had allowed my circumstances to become my excuse for my inability to finish what I’d started and ultimately I never submitted anything. I closed the projects away in a folder on my laptop that I still have yet to reopen. 

I’m sure the agents and editors have never given me or my projects another thought, but it doesn’t help knowing that I promised to deliver something, and I haven’t. That only makes me feel like more of loser. 

And this is where I believe the miracle is happening, right here…right now I’ll admit for the first time that the reason I have not finished the books is because of fear and weakness, not my circumstances.
I have allowed myself to become one giant, walking, talking excuse because I AM AFRAID.

I am so afraid I’ll never get published that I gave up trying.
And here is my confession, which I have just discovered about myself, “I am the only reason I am not published!”

And if you’re like me, you’re the only thing standing in your way too.
I see people bitching and moaning all over the internet about these agent rejections or that editor’s notes. I see people gripe when someone critiques their work. But the truth is…
If we truly want to be published, we have to stop buying into that fear and get busy changing what needs to be fixed in order to get published. PERIOD.
If the world is saying you’re not ready, then YOU’RE NOT READY. Accept it and move forward. Take it from me, denying it only makes you stuck. And I’ve been stuck for far too long. It’s time to dig myself out and make my dreams happen.

Because no one else is going to.
Stay tuned...

Thursday, April 2, 2015

The Writer’s Maze: What a Zoo!

Hi Ho to all of you monkeys hangin' around this zoo!
If you’re here, you’re probably a writer and you know exactly what I’m talking about (or very lost and wondering what the hell is going on). 

Last week the family and I went to the zoo and it got me thinking that each of the beasts, those wild animals held captive in their domestic prisons, is like a writer. 
The writer longs to be free of the chains and enclosures caging us in (don’t miss The Writer’s Maze: WiPs and Chains). We want to be free, to run untamed through the jungle of publishing rules and laws, a.k.a. THE WRITER’S MAZE! But like the zoo, though it is beautiful and orderly to look at, the rules of writing try to control and tame the writer’s heart. 
Yes, there should be boundaries and standards of acceptable writing, but when and how can we writers escape the confines of these laws and get away with it? Let’s look at The Road a Pulitzer Prize winning novel by Cormac McCarthy. 

McCarthy is a lion of the writing jungle. He dared to ignore almost every writing law in existence and he got away with it. For those of you who’ve read The Road you know exactly what I’m talking about. It’s choppy, it’s grammatically incorrect to the extreme, heck he doesn’t even use punctuation. Many people have pondered why he wrote the novel this way, was it to add to the discomfort the characters were feeling? It certainly made me uncomfortable reading it.
Does that mean we, as writers, can follow in McCarthy’s footsteps and get published? Win a Pulitzer? Maybe. What I mean is, are we a lion like McCarthy? I know I’m not. I’m more like this guy…

...not the cutest bird in the world, but my song is sweet.
I’m exotic, yes. I’m different, I’ll give you that. But I only vaguely resemble the rest of my writer species. My writing is more like a bird on a wire than a lion on the prowl. If I tried to break all of the rules McCarthy did it wouldn’t work for me. I couldn’t even live in the same enclosure with a lion let alone try to be one.

That’s why we need the zoo and the zoo keepers. The zoo, rules of good writing, maintains the standard. However, what the zoo cannot do is determine how and why a certain literary work has the IT factor. Now, the zoo keepers, the editors, agents and publishers, remind us daily that even though we must conform to their rules and live with our own kind, they still want us to remember that we are wild.

Now, you might be the type of writer who thinks, eh, writing is easy. Any monkey can do it…if they follow the rules. And though that might be true, it doesn’t mean any monkey can climb to the top of the New York Times Best Seller list. 

The zoo works because of the regulations and environments it provides for the wellbeing of the public, but if we animals (i.e. writers) were to become too complacent and docile no one would want to visit us. The zoo is the best of both worlds. It is a collaboration of dangerous predators and the sweet songs of the canaries presented together in a picturesque and stimulating setting (i.e. books). 

After all, that is the goal, yes? To see our writing tamed and corralled along the shelves of many, many bookstores? I know that’s my goal. Like my fat, long-beaked bird, I pick and gather the twigs and moss of literary dos and don’ts, trying to force my natural tendencies to conform. At times I do still feel as though my wings are clipped, but for the most part I’ve learned to fly up one branch at time.

Maybe one day, the monkeys will be trying to catch us birds.